“Sweethearts” (1996) Director: Aleks Horvat Starring: Janeane Garofalo, Mitch Rouse, Margaret Cho, Bob Goldthwait Rating: (4.0/5)

Review: Although I am not a big fan of stand-up comedy as a genre (most of it is a bit too contrived), I've admired Janeane Garofalo for some time. There is something very unusual and appealing about her candor, sarcasm, and self-deprecating, genuine delivery. She is not what you'd call "mainstream." Garofalo has made numerous cameo appearances in major blockbuster films, stealing the scene every time no matter how small the part. To date, her most critically acclaimed film role has been a lead in "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" (1996, co-starring Uma Thurman), for which she won an MTV Movie Award for Best Comedic Performance.

By accident, I stumbled across a news item about what critics labeled Garofalo's "biggest career mistake" - turning down the part of Gail Weathers in "Scream" (1996, taken by Courteney Cox) to do another project. I found this out when "Scream 2" (1997) was already in the works, and, given its predecessor's success, was quite curious what Garofalo's "other project" was. It was "Sweethearts," a film co-written and co-produced by Garofalo herself and director Aleks Horvat, which unfortunately went straight to video.

Biggest mistake? Hardly. This little-known flick is one of the best movies I've ever seen, and it truly shows Garofalo's mastery as an actress. Unexpectedly, it is not a comedy; even its ending isn't anywhere near happy. Garofalo plays a manic-depressive Jasmine who has reached the end of her rope and is set on going out with a bang by killing herself on the morning of her 31st birthday. To make the occasion even more special, she arranges for a blind date through a personals ad on the night before the big event.

Her unsuspecting date, Arliss (Rouse) shows up at the designated pretentious coffee house, to find that Jasmine doesn't even come close to the description given in the ad. But he is a nice guy, so he sticks around long enough to discover that Jasmine is a little "off." When Arliss attempts to make a graceful exit, Jasmine makes him reconsider - at gun point. Before long, Arliss is head over heels, as unlikely as the possibility of that happening may have seemed in the beginning of the evening.

This dark and touching take on romance leaves you speechless. If you know anything about bipolar disorder, you'll recognize how authentic and unconventional this film is. What's more, it is brilliantly executed; there is nothing unnecessary. no glamour, no excess props, and barely any supporting actors - it is simply two people placed in a seemingly surreal, yet very realistic, situation. If you can get your hands on this one, grab it. –J.D-P

“Demolition Man” (1993) Director: Marco Brambilla Starring: Silvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Denis Leary Rating: (3.0/5)

Review: Despite what most critics had to say, I enjoyed this flick. Most objections, if memory serves, went along the lines of "failing to create a realistic future environment" something or other. Duh. To me, this totally misses the point. Let's not pretend this one is a "film." Although labeled as a sci-fi adventure, "Demolition Man" is best described as an action comedy, and those who like Snipes, Stallone, and a good laugh are bound to have a ball watching it.

In the words of the lead homicidal psychopath, Simon Phoenix (Snipes), who has just broken out of cryogenic jail, "The year is 2032, and the world has become a . pussy-whipped version of itself." Indeed, the setting is a spin on America's obsession with political correctness and health. All things that are not good for you, including salt, coffee, nicotine, spices, etc., have been made illegal. Neat little wall fixtures buzz and dispense tickets for use of profanity. Physical contact has been outlawed as well, and sex has been replaced by virtual reality gadgets to prevent transmission of bodily fluids. There is no crime, and the last murder dates back to 2010. And the best part is, all restaurants are now Taco Bell "after the franchise wars." The list of these hilarious (but not overly far-fetched) exaggerations is too long.

The plot is highly amusing as well. Phoenix's escape from cryo-jail has been orchestrated by the man in charge of this new and improved world, with a goal of eliminating Edgar Friendly (Denis Leary), the leader of the "last remaining criminal element," a group of non-conformists who live underground in sewers and come up only to steal food. To the authorities' dismay, Phoenix cannot be controlled and wreaks havoc, putting off his contract hit to partake in a fabulous killing spree which begins with carving an eye out of the cryo-jail warden's head.

Lenina Huxley (Bullock), a young police lieutenant obsessed with the 20th century and eager for some action, suggests "defrosting" another prisoner to deal with Phoenix - John Spartan (Stallone), a former LAPD sergeant who initially captured Phoenix and was wrongly imprisoned for crimes he did not commit. (This is where you get to see Sly in the buff, and six months of heavy-duty training prior to filming of this movie prove worthwhile.) Spartan and Huxley pursue Phoenix who has already managed to thaw out a few of his pals and is trying to do the same with the rest of the cryo-jail prisoners. In the process, they make friends with Edgar Friendly and proceed to systematically demolish the sterilized streets of what is now called San Angeles.

"Demolition Man" is the directorial debut of Marco Brambilla, a man who has been named Canada's top advertising commercial director. His advertising training is evident in this production; the movie is sleek and polished; the attention to detail is incredible, and the editing is superb. However, actors' performances range. Stallone's, for one, is unremarkable - he's the good old macho man placed in a new setting, which is mildly funny in itself. It is also obvious that he had a good time making the movie and didn't take it too seriously. Bullock, for whom this was the first major role, is quite good; she gets to be cute (which is what she does best), kick some butt Jackie Chan-style, and spout bastardized versions of 20th century slang, like "Let's blow this guy" and "You licked his ass."

Snipes and Leary really make the movie. Snipes, with his different colored eyes and blond hair, is wildly maniacal. He delivers his lines and his kicks with pizzazz, conviction, and a marked level of crazed energy. Leary, on the other hand, is his usual cynical, sarcastic, yet charismatic self. His key monologue goes something like, "I want to run naked through the streets, covered in green Jell-O and reading Playboy. Why? Because I suddenly might have the urge to!"

Fine. If one attempts to dissect "Demolition Man" on the level of a classic, it has faults. But it's fun. Sometimes, that's just what we need. –J.D-P

“Gladiator” (2000) Director: Ridley Scott Starring: Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Richard Harris, Connie Nielsen Rating: (2.5/5)

Review: The success of this movie truly puzzles me. No, I am not referring to its box office success - a production like this one was bound to bring in huge audiences. But the Academy Awards? I'm sorry; I just don't get it.

But first things first. The plot is of "Gladiator" is formulaic at best: Bad guy kills good guy's loved ones. Good guy seeks revenge. OK, here is a longer version: General Maximus (Crowe), leads his legions to yet another victory, concluding a war and bringing glory to the Roman Empire. Immediately thereafter, this "simple man" only wishes to return home to his wife and son. However, the dying Emperor Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris), lacking confidence in his own son Commodus (Phoenix), asks Maximus to assume power. The royally pissed Commodus kills his own father, orders the execution of Maximus and his family, and appoints himself the new Caesar. Maximus escapes, comes home to find his house torched and his wife and son dead, and passes out to wake up a slave. He is trained as a gladiator; his fame grows, eventually bringing him to Rome and giving him the opportunity to avenge his family by killing Commodus. Of course, this is all accompanied by the classic elements of a good melodrama, from political intrigue to betrayal, long-lost-and-rekindled love, blackmail, and incest.

"Gladiator" scored 12 Oscar nominations and won five, including Best Picture, Best Actor, Visual Effects, Sound, and Costume Design. To give credit where credit is due, the last three are duly warranted; this was a visually breathtaking epic. Even the Best Actor award is semi-justified, although Joaquin Phoenix's performance was indisputably stronger. Without his menacing, totally captivating portrayal of the evil Commodus (nominated for Best Supporting Actor), this film wouldn't even be worth watching.

It is the Best Picture Oscar that troubles me most, as "Gladiator" is not even in the same league as "Chocolat," "Erin Brockovich," and "Traffic," also nominated in this category. It is most certainly beatifully filmed and expertly crafted, but hardly original in concept or execution. Just compare it to "Braveheart" (1995), which also won an Academy Award for Best Picture. Both are similar in their historical-heroic-epic-adventure-honor-glory quality, down to the killing of a loved one and seeking revenge, yet "Braveheart" manages to capture the audience on an emotional, gut-wrenching level. "Gladiator," on the other hand, is a typical guy flick. It's so obvious that it's hard to care whether Maximus lives or dies in the end. But it certainly isn't the worst way to pass a Friday night. –J.D-P

“What Women Want” (2000) Director: Nancy Meyers Starring: Mel Gibson, Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Alan Alda Rating: (2.5/5)

Review: Gentlemen, be very afraid. After making you watch this one, your girlfriend or wife will inevitably whine something along the lines of, "Why can't you be more like that?" Buy lots of beer.

Nancy Meyers, a master of the romantic comedy genre ("Private Benjamin," "Irreconcilable Differences," "Father of the Bride"), sticks to her own with "What Women Want." Nick Marshall (Gibson), an ad executive specializing in the tits-and-ass variety, has a freak accident which allows him to hear women's thoughts. At the same time, he is passed over for a promotion in favor of a woman, Darcy McGuire (Hunt). Naturally, he attempts to use his newfound powers to his advantage and undermine his new boss, only to fall in love with her and "truly understand what women want."

The trouble is that this movie is not indicative of what women want at all (or, perhaps, I'm warped, which is a distinct possibility). Darcy herself isn't that bad, but the majority of the other thoughts to which Gibson's character is now privy make women look totally neurotic, suicidal/depressive, lonely, power-hungry, nasty, or just plain stupid. (Yeah, I bet many of you guys are mumbling under your noses right about now.) Plus, the agency they all work at doesn't seem to do any real work; they all just lounge around, with the exception of the hard-working Darcy. Although an attempt at portraying the competitive environment of the ad biz is made, it isn't convincing. Then again, this is a comedy, so a certain level of exaggeration is expected and forgivable.

Gibson makes up for the movie's faults with his trademark whack-job performance. The witty script puts Nick in some truly idiotic situations, like facing his estranged teenage daughter (and her boyfriend) clad in women's stockings, nail polish, and lipstick. As always, he is infectuosly funny - probably because he truly enjoys what he does. While not earth-shattering, this light-hearted comedy is easy to watch. Regrettably, it's also easy to forget. –J.D-P

“Unbreakable” (2000) Director: M. Night Shyamalan Starring: Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Wright Penn Rating: (1.0/5)

"There is a sole survivor, and he is miraculously unharmed." You'd think that a combination of such an intriguing premise with powerhouse actors and the writer/director who brought us "The Sixth Sense" would make for a mind-blowing thriller.

Yawn. Try mind-blowing boredom. I stuck around for the duration only because after this movie dragged on and on and on, I had to know the ending (which, of course, wasn't worth the wait). David Dunn (Willis) survives a horrible train wreck without a scratch. He is then approached by Elijah Price (Jackson), an odd fellow who owns a comic art gallery and believes that comic book heroes actually exist in real life. Dunn's miraculous survival is the subject of Price's obsession, as he strives to prove that Dunn is invincible. And so he is.

The talents of all the actors are wasted in this film. Bruce Willis spends the entire film walking around dazed and confused. Samuel Jackson has a slightly better part, but the final crucial revelation about his character doesn't have any punch to it. Robin Wright Penn, a more than impressive, award-winning actress ("She's So Lovely," "Forrest Gump"), is nothing more than filler for a wife, and so is the talented young Spencer Treat Clark ("Arlington Road," "Gladiator") who plays Dunn's son.

For me, this is the first Bruce Willis film that wasn't worth watching. The shame of it is that the plot isn't bad. It coulda been a contender. –J.D-P